Our Story


In 1995 my Ex-wife and I separated. (I will refer to her as Jane, our attorney said we could not use her real name). Everything that we talk about is a matter of public record. Below is but a small window into what has happened throughout the years. Keep in mind that when you are reading this, Jane has never been put in jail for any of her actions. As you are reading this we are still in court to this day.

THE NIGHTMARE:

  1. Jane receives Physical/Joint custody of our three children along with Child Support. (Since I work in Law enforcement the order goes directly to my place of employment where it is taken directly out of my check). Jane moves back to Michigan. I stay in Illinois where my job is. The children are one, three, and five years old.
  2. From the beginning  Jane was giving us problems with seeing and talking too the children.
  3. I had to go back into court just to be able to see and talk to our children.
  4. I found out where our children were going to school. I contacted the school and had their report cards sent to me.
  5. I noticed our children started to miss a lot of school. At first it was ten days, then fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty even fifty days of school missed. They were in trouble.
  6. I found that in the beginning the school, along with the babysitters seem to be all against me. Everyone I came into contact with treated me like I was the bad guy. I later found out why. Jane had told them things that were not true.
  7. Over time I had to earn their confidence. In doing so I started to receive letters from our children’s teachers asking me if there was anything that I could do. That if something was not done the children would fail due to the fact that they were not there to learn.
  8. I contacted my attorney to start proceedings to get custody of our children.
  9. The babtsitter ended up being our star witness. some of Jane's relatives (who to this day Jane does not know were in contact with me) helped us as well. The babysitter said our children would come over to her house dirty, they smelled they were unfed. In addition to this, there were many reports from DCFS of Michigan about abuse our children had to endure. Not only by Jane but by her boyfriends as well.
  10. In addition to this, the babysitter allowed me to call and talk to our children, In addition, she would let me send them presents for Christmas, their Birthdays etc. The reason for this was if I sent our children’s presents by mail they might get them but in time Jane would return them to the store to get the money. (I should also point out that Jane was receiving one hundred and fifty dollars every week at that time). She would also not work. Jane would tell people that I was not paying child support.
  11. I had Health Insurance on our children. Jane would not follow the guidelines of the insurance company. Jane would go outside of the network so I was paying out of pocket costs. Jane also used the Automated caller that Blue Cross/Blue Shield had at the time to change my address to her address. That way she could receive the reimbursement checks and cash them. She would later be charged with a felony for forgery. But this case would not lead to her arrest.(Years later she would have someone call the Sanilac County Courthouse and tell them Jane could not see her children because of the warrant. Since Michigan would not extradite her they dropped the charge. To this day i still do not understand who or why they did it.)
  12. It took three years, but we were finally granted custody of our children. Jane was ordered to pay thirty seven dollars a week in child support.
  13. The day came when Jane was ordered to bring our children to the courthouse. But Jane never showed up. The police, (unknown to Jane), had been keeping track of her because of her erratic behavior in the past. They found Jane at a homeless shelter. Even though Jane was not homeless.
  14. The police picked up our children, brought them to the court house. I will never forget the look on our children’s face’s when they were in the back of the police car. They were so scared. They were dirty, and they smelled. (We later found out that they were in the shelter for a week without a shower or bath.) We did not know what Jane would do next so we left and headed for the Michigan/Indiana Illinois border. Once in Illinois we bathed the children, set up doctors appointments, counseling appointments etc. We enrolled them in school. They were so far behind. I switched shifts just to try and catch them up. But this was not the end. It was just the beginning of the nightmare.
  15. Jane eventually moved to Illinois. At this point I will just list some of the things that happened after Jane moved back:
    1. We had DCFS called on us over 15 times. Nothing was ever done to Jane for filing false reports.
    2. Jane was constantly calling our house leaving threatening messages. She also was calling my work. This would result in an over zealous Captain to try and have me fired based on a letter that Jane sent to my work. ( Jane’s theory was if I lost my job then she would have a better chance to get our children back.)  The letter contained nothing but lies. Jane threatened to go to the media if nothing was done. In the end I was not fired. The Captain transferred. I got an Order of Protection to get Jane to stop calling my work.
    3. Jane would get her boyfriends to have confrontations with me.
    4. Jane was constantly calling the police to our house. For such things as not being there when she called. Also if any marks, scathes, were on the children Jane would call the police then DCFS. ( I just wanted to say that I believe that DCFS is a good and necessary organization. They protect children who might not other wise be protected. But I also believe that if someone continues to make false allegations against someone else then they should prosecute that individual).
    5. Throughout this whole ordeal Jane would try to get money from anyone she could. Jane was very good at convincing people that she was the victim. She used her Mother to get most of the money. Her mother gave away most of her retirement saving to her. (I just wanted to interject that I thought that Jane’s mother was a nice person. I believe she felt guilty about how Jane turned out by blaming herself. Jane’s mother would eventually pass away.)
    6. Jane eventually got married, got another attorney, and tried to get custody of our children.
    7. Throughout this whole time our children would go on their visits with Jane. Whenever they would come back from the visits their behavior had changed. They would not mind, they were hyper, and we also noticed that they had different clothes on. Jane was taking the clothes they had on when she picked them up-(nice clothes), and switch them for torn and dirty clothes. So she was keeping the good clothes and giving us the bad clothes. After about a week when the children settled down they would talk about what was going on at Jane’s house. (One of the things that I do not approve of  is giving the children the third degree. We felt, that if they had something to tell us they would do it on their own, which they did).
    8. Jane then got an Emergency Order of Protection from the court over an incident which would later turn out to be nothing. Jane put down on the order that I was  dangerous, and I had a lot of guns etc. She also did not check the box on the form which stated “Are you currently  going through a custody dispute”. The Judge must not have seen it either.
    9. The police came over one night while we were helping our children with their homework. They took them from our house. Our children were screaming, crying, just hanging on to us for dear life. (I cannot describe in words what it is like to have our children forcefully taken away from us for something that was based on total mistruths).
    10. We filed paper work in court to reverse this order. Within a few days we had our children back with us. Jane once again had filed a false report. Again nothing was done. ( Except to say that our children now have another terrible memory that they will never forget for the rest of their lives).
    11. Jane continued to work on our children mentally. If they did not say they wanted to live with her they were yelled at, degraded, made to feel bad, until they gave into her. Once they did she would hug them and tell them it would be alright.
    12. Jane would tell our son’s, especially our youngest son to do terrible things at our house. That if they did these things then I would not want them to live with me and they could live with her. I will not get into what she told them to do. Except to say that when we asked them who told you to do this they would say their mother told them to do it.
    13. In one of the few victory’s in court the Judge ordered Supervised Visitation for Jane. It would end up that even during the supervised visits she was still trying to abuse them.
    14. Supervised visits were eventually taken away. Jane along with her husband, and his mother were ordered not to have any contact with our children at all. Jane was also to have no contact with us as well.
    15. Jane continues to feel that she has done nothing wrong. Even her husband, and mother who were also involved in the abuse case continue to believe her.
    16. My attorney has informed me not to talk about Jane’s mental state. But I will say that the courts have ordered her to undergo specialized counseling. ( In addition I believe that if a person knowingly knows, is tested, and shown to have problems, but refuses to do anything about it, then the courts need to take a hard look at this issue and not let it drag out for years hoping it will resolve itself).
    17. We are still in court. Jane has not seen our children in four years. (But she has tried to break the court order several times by waiting at their schools, or by finding which way they walk to and from school). We now take them to school.
    18. As of two thousand nine the Jane is trying to get her supervised visits back. Or should I say the courts. The children’s attorney-(GAL) told us this. Its supposedly new court guidelines here in Tazewell County. There is something else. Our children do not want to see her at all. They are thirteen and fifteen. But here in Illinois age does not matter.
    19. On March 15, 2010, we had another Court hearing to determine if Jane was going to get her Supervised Visits back. We had to bring our children (neither of whom want anything to do with her because of the abuse that she did to them. The Children want to wait until they get to be 18 then they could make the decision whether or not to see her). They are now 14 and 16. We also brought their Psychologist with us. It was scheduled to be a two hour hearing. To make a long story short this is the same judge who just over a year ago told Jane that she would be able to see the children by Christmas. For some reason this judge left before then. That was last year. This same judge was back and made good on his promise to Jane. He refused to hear testimony from their psychologist, refused to listen to our children, did not want to read the report from their psychologist, nothing. He just wanted to set up the visits. Despite several attempts from our Attorney and the GAL.

      On March 31, 2010 our children had a meeting with the GAL. She was telling them how to act, what to say etc.(depending how this one visit goes will determine if the children have to see her or not). We told our attorney this. She was angry. As I have said before, we have never coached our children into saying or doing something that they don't want to do. Unlike Jane. Their psychologist told them that this is their time to say what they want to say. To get out their anger, and frustrations. But the GAL is telling them what to do what not to do. It's as if the GAL wants this visit to go well so the visits can continue. She told our daughter not to bring up anything from the past and told our son he could bring up things about the past! Both my wife and I were dumbfounded. So on April 5, 2010 the Children are being forced to see Jane. Both of them are very upset and confused. They are very confused. They felt the Justice system would protect them. But instead It has failed them. Some people would say that we are just mad because we lost in Court. But we did not lose on that day, our Children lost.

This has been just a small window into what we and our children continue to go through each day. Some say its only one sided. Some will say its unbelievable. But do you know what? It is real. That is the scary part.

One last thing. As I have said before. I'm not a doctor, lawyer, or expert by any means. I'm not perfect by any means. I have made mistakes. I have done some things in my life that I'm not proud of. But it has been because of this that I sought out counseling to help me with these issues. I did not let these mistakes control my life. I did something about it. And even with these mistakes I was able to get custody of our children.

We want to say thank-you to all who have helped us over the years. You know who you are. We also want to point out who the true heroes are. Our children. All seven of our children have been effected by this. So we are dedicating this sight to our children (some of whom are adults now). Thank-you for your Courage.